How to support people Pt. 1

We, as Christians, have forgotten how to genuinely support people in life. So many times, I see well meaning Christians go to someone hurting or run to someone in need and the Christian spends more time evangelizing with words and scripture instead of with discernment, an open heart, and a listening ear. People do not need to be told what to do. People do not need to hear any fear mongering or any statements coming off as emotionally or morally manipulative (note I am not speaking on the validity of said statements but strictly on when and how those statements are worded to a person who most likely is not in a place to hear anything beyond twisted shame, guilt, or condemnation).

People respond to relationship. You being there. You breaking bread with them with no ulterior motoves beyond getting to know them as a person. Being there in the middle of all kinds of shit - addictions to whatever you name, health issues, deaths, lost jobs, abuse, etc. Please understand I do not advocate you hold no boundaries. You are able to be there for someone in the middle of drug abuse and not open yourself up for abuse from the person you are trying to help. You are also not their savior. Sometimes being there for someone looks like offerring to help them get in touch with resources (such as rehab or encouraging counseling of some sort). Sometimes you being there looks like dropping off grocefies to their house and not once giving them access to actual money. Sometimes it looks like explaining to someone you are not able to help nor assist them in any way and that, for your personal safety, you are unable to continue a relationship with them until such and such time occurs. Either way, listening to people and asking genuine questions and requesting permission to share any story of yours or any truth (NOT QUOTING SCRIPTURE AT THEM BUT BREAKING IT DOWN TO THE CORE BELIEF AND CORE UNDERSTANDING) will bring people to God more than you realize. Don't get me wrong - everyone working in a gift of the Spirit when evangelizing have at it. Use what God gave you and follow what He dictates for you. For anyone not knowing what to do or finding people running away all the time? This post is more for you all.

Shoving scripture at people does nothing other than alienate, or oftentimes, invoke rage, anger, and hurt as more and more people are harmed in the church and by the church. The likelyhood of passing someone with serious unresolved or not 100% healed church trauma is astronomical and increases the lower someone's age is. Millenials and Gen Z and arguably the Alphas now have more than 50% of their population carrying around religious trauma. Its why people don't go to church. They are harmed by God's people. And support might have looked like scripture and fire and brimstone 100 years ago but these generations need compassion and relationship and security first. They need to see you are not a hypocrite of a Christian. They need to see the peace in your life, the joy in trials, and that you are not scared of them or their questions or their accusations or their deep dark shameful pieces of themselves. They need to see Jesus the Healer not Jesus the (Americanized) Judge nor Jesus the Ruler. They need to meet God the Father not God Bringer of Justice and Wrath Against Disobedience. And I mean God the Good Father who handles His Children gently in love and washes them clean and binds up wounds from a crying toddler not God the Good Father who is handling a disobedient teenager who is running off to gamble away His estate after granting said teen some responsibilities in running the estate. These people are often not the second. They (the under 30 generations) are typically not being disobedient to ultimately ruin anything great for their own gains. They are more inlines of a traumatized toddler who is acting out to see in what ways will God respond or they are attempting to see about tearing down anything they believe brought harm to them and others. They are justice driven and justice bound and they feel a weight of responsibility to fix what previous generations refused to. They need to see that they have been seen and heard and that God, not only loves them in their broken state and will never pull their identity to pieces to recreate how He wishes regardless of their feelings, but that God has seen and heard what people are doing in His name and that it is not endorsed by Him, it is not something He typically had told someone to do to them (some stuff was Him the trick is discerning what was and wasnt but anything bringing genuine emotional harm or designed to inflict shame within a person isn't God).

They need a secure relationship. A healthy and Godly relationship. They need Jesus the Friend who came to reveal great knowledge about who they are and what purpose is their life and their lived experiences and Jesus the Healer coming down to gently minister to them within the bounds of their trust levels, their feelings, and their stage of healing.

Look just, treat people like the feral scared kittens you found on the side of the road and if you are unable to handle what it looks like to be hissed and swatted at by a spiritually feral child while maintaining soft voices and calm demeanors then maybe ministering to people in such states isnt for you. And thats ok. Just make sure you know who to send those people to.