Forgiving the Unforgiveable

Forgiveness is often a touchy topic for people. Some say "forgive them" and mean it as excusing horrific and harmful behavior for someone. Some say "forgive them" meaning its just "something you do" as a Christian. Some people say it means to let something go and never let the person face the consequences of their actions. Some say "forgive them" and mean it to be a catch all for reconciling to a sound relationship (or any relationship again - healthy or not).

None of that is forgiveness. Proper and true forgiveness is when you come to realize that your Father in Heaven already is handling it. And you release yourself from the responsibility of seeking justice or vengeance against the person who committed atrocities. Now - this does not mean that you won't follow whatever you receive in prayer to do in response but it does relieve you of a heavy weight that keeps you from being able to move forward with your personal life.

So what do you do to forgive someone, truly and completely in a way you receive peace in your life and healing from it? Well, it starts by allowing yourself to acknowledge and feel the pain and anguish you were put through. You feel it. You allow yourself to hurt. And you take this pain to God. You tell God you feel x, y, z and when they did this you felt this and how can they ever believe it was ok to do. And you let it out. You let it all out. The shame, the guilt, the fear, the hatred, the anger. You tell God everything and hold nothing back no matter how shameful, dirty, or invalidated you believe you are in feeling how you feel. And then you listen to God's response. So many times, I have been very surprised on experiencing how angry God is on my behalf - especially on things that many church members brushed aside and told me I needed to do a bunch of things to not be "sinning" against God. I have often been surprised by the response I receive in prayer to my anger and my rage and my wounds in their raw form compared to the response I received from churches claiming to be God's people. And hearing and experiencing God's response to my pain and anger leads me to release the person who harmed me to God to handle. And I let it go. I allow myself to let it go and to forgive them. To say the words "I forgive so and so for this and this and this and creating environments where I felt these things and I watched harm befall these people." And it aches. It aches deep. However, I find peace in knowing that God saw what happened and He is not letting it lie. He is actively working to do something about it in a way that is fair for all parties involved and I know I can trust Him and His decision on matters.

I will say - forgiving someone who acknowledges that what they did was wrong and are working to become a better person is much easier than forgiving someone who, not only refuses to acknowledge that what they did was wrong but they continue to inflict harm on yourself or others in the meantime. These are situations I would deem "unforgiveable" as often you might find yourself screaming inside "i will never forgive them!" These are the situations that are hard to allow your hurt and rage to be felt, but you might find yourself raging at God as well for allowing it to occur. And when we do not trust that God is handling a situation or a person - how can we bring ourselves to even consider letting the matter go? Who will bring justice? Who will ensure the pain stops and the harm comes to an end and the victims have vengeance? I am personally in one of these situations as I handle trying to heal from leaving a cult. And the pastor in charge is still out there inflicting harm on others as he refuses to see how his actions and beliefs facilitate an environment of abuse. And I find myself stuck in a place where I scream at God and I scream internally at the pastor and I scream at myself "Why? Why did you let this happen? How could this be allowed to occur? How can you sit and do nothing as more and more people are abused and harmed and brought to believe in a twisted view of God and scripture and how to relate to others? How can you sit while more and more people are being taught to emotionally manipulate and trap others and call it evangelism? How can you stay silent while he continues to grow a following?"

How do we forgive the unforgiveable? On these - I have no answer. All I can do is share my experiences as I work towards wholeness and healing from the injustices wrought against so many people by a church system who is blind to the pain it brings to everyone around them.